The day in between.

Today is the day in between.
Yesterday I was all busy handling my stress that the court made its decision.
Tomorrow I’ll be all busy at a big knitters and crocheters fair in a city quite near here: Knit & Knot in Tilburg:

It’s a new fair and it’s held in the South of the Netherlands. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.
But not so much today. Because today is the day in between. It’s the day I need to leave behind the stres of yesterday asap and recharge for tomorrow.

I’m not doing that too well. It was unexpected that the court would announce this week and now I’m not handling the stress very well. The consequences of the court’s decision beginning to sink in. Besides dealing with a big manure plant next to the cabin I have lots of feelings of defeat and of being misunderstood. I had such valid points and the courts hasn’t even addressed them. And there’s no appeal possible. Very frustrating.

I can’t seem to calm down my nervous system. It’s the typical Wired & Tired sensations that people with ME/CFS/SEID have. Over the past few years I’ve learned to counter these by keeping my body free from burdens and by doing Reverse Therapy which is a tool, just like Mindfulness, to calm down the body. But I’m not very good at it.
(It’s also PMS week … And at the doctor’s yesterday I learned I have an overactive liver enzym that’s been robbing me of soothing Progesteron hormones all my life. Cursed be CYP2C19*17! It caused my lifelong oestrogen dominance and the need to learn about bust darts.)

The inability to calm down today causes me to be nervous for tomorrow and run through all kinds of disaster scenarios (which in itself is a symptom of not handling your stress very well. I’m letting my mind scare my body.)
I’m afraid I’m setting myself up for another crash just like the one at the Spinner’s day at the old farm Rood|Noot in Utrecht… that crash scared me pretty good because it had been months if not a year since my last crash.

This all makes me so annoyed (at myself) today. Which takes me even further from the zen zone. By now I can’t even buy a bus ticket to the zen zone, I’m that far away from it.

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I’ve spend the day watching video’s and knitting on my silk tencel Temptress shawl. I had parked it for a while because a few weeks back I discovered I had knitted way more rows than I should have and it had taken many hours and it involved beads and it all had to come out because I need to follow the pattern otherwise I’ll run out of yarn or beads before cast off.
It was nice to pick it up again today. Such luxurious yarn and such lovely beads. We (= me and the two cats) were all perched on my cow hide sofa/chaise longue and some of us were under the Shetland blanket I bought at Midwinterwol and some of us were watching videos. (reruns of Scrubs)

All other wool projects are on hold at the moment. They all need some attention to charts before I can go on (the two AHUM three cardigans) and I’m still miffed at those Wollmeise cuffs and the Shetland Blue Texel throw/shawl I’m just using daily without a proper border. I even used it outside the house and I love it and I don’t care who sees it in its unfinished state.
I took it to the Hieronymus Bosch exhibition! Didn’t batt an eye and felt lovely and comfortable. “It’s art, dontyaknow.”

The I Believe shawl is knitted right up to the lace part which I prefer to do in a semisolid. So it’s on the table to come with me to the fair tomorrow so I can pick a colour.
Did I show you the nifty knitter’s tool for when knitting from a center pull ball? Especially good with slipper yarn such as silk.
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It’s a sleeve that comes with garlic or somesuch. The Temptress shawl has a similar sleeve around its yarn.

There’s a lot on the table to come with me to the fair tomorrow:

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Some things are to make me feel good (sparkly SSSsocks, a nice purse, a nice measuring tape); some things are to give to others (a bag full of Wollmeise, some nice books about felting); some things are to keep me going (salty licorice, my own tea bags, snacks, progesteron cream) and some things are to aid my shopping (I Believe shawl and the various sock yarns that need a parter. I’m going for greyish lilac and mustard yellow!). And a project to knit on ofcourse. It’s the two yarn cakes with the needle stuck in.

With Sock Madness we’re waiting for the next pattern to show up. I didn’t want to cast on for a new sock in the mean time. Mainly because I wanted to give my shoulders a bit of a rest.
But then I had to wait an hour at the doctor’s office and I knit a new toe… but then I didn’t like the contrast yarn I chose for it so I ripped out those two rows and instead am bringing that yarn to the fair to look for a suitable partner. It’s this yarn from which I once made One Colourful Sock:

I dyed the yarn myself, back in 2010. There’s still 30 grams left or something and I’d love to honour it with a deserving colour. Not the blue toe I knit yesterday, that’s just too rainbowy. Now, a muted purple will be perfect and make the bright mint stand out without making the socks all orange and shouty.

But without a sock on the needles what will I knit tomorrow?? A lot of knitter friends will come and there’s a big table with chairs we can sit at and knit. I don’t have a project! I can’t bring my Temptress shawl, it’s too delicate and besides: beads.
So I looked at myself and today I’m wearing my Norsk Hilja Vest and there’s still some yarn left and I’ve been eyeing this stranded green owl pattern for months now:

Grey Eyed by Rebecca Tsai. I even cast on a couple of times, trying out yarns and whether they should be mittens or a cowl. It’s going to be a vest.

Yes, that’s what I’ll be casting on. I’ve got my projectnotes from my previous Hiljavest so I know what number to cast on. Just rework the chart a bit and off I go. My yarn is wound and will travel in this great WIPbag, made by DirkjeK:
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I won it in the Dutch Sock Knitters Group. It’s great for the Sock Madness and great for tomorrow.
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So big! I need to print out that chart asap and tuck it in there. Another thing I don’t have to think about anymore until I’m in the train tomorrow.

One of the things I do have to think about with a day out like this is food. I need something that sustains me but it mustn’t tire my digestive system. So proteins, nuts, vegetables and gluten are out. Ideally I’d take half a container of salty chicken broth with me and add hot water. Electrolytes go!
Fries with fatty mayonaise are good too. But I don’t think they’ll cater for it. Besides, I had fries for dinner yesterday and as much as they give energy, they don’t give much substance to the body.
So I decided to bring this:
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It’s one of those fat filling creamy pecan brownies I talked about yesterday. I had two of them, back to back, right when I tried to understand the judicial mumbo jumbo. Afterwards I steamrollered through the day just fine, energy wise. One brownie is like half a bar of full fat butter with cacao. That’ll keep me going alright.

Food like this does need a lot of nutrients to process though -as do fries- so I don’t live a whole day on these often. But sometimes you need to. Sometimes you just don’t have the time or the zen to go lie down in the middle of the day and let your body take its sweet time to examine every bit of protein you had for breakfast or lunch and digest it carefully. Sometimes you just want to run on reserve and use all your energy for something else.
So, skimping on digestive energy tomorrow. Breakfast is a big bowl of chicken broth. Get those electrolytes and full fats on board. Rest of the day will be salty tea and around eleven or twelve I’ll need energy, preferably in fatty form. Butter or fries if they have them. Brownie if they don’t. (Remember to bring HCL to acidify stomach fluids in order to digest the fats)

I need to do add a few more bits and bobs to the pile. Those HCL pills. A little flask of diluted lemon juice. A print out of the owl chart.

And then it will al fit in here:

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Will I feel scared tomorrow? Or wired, tired, grumpy? This carrier here will cheer me right up.

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